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What is Sex Therapy?? Questions, Answers, Holding Space and Healing

So what can you really expect from sex therapy? I promise you, it’s not nearly as weird as you may be thinking! Actually it is a really profound opportunity to get answers to questions you can’t just ask your friend at the local coffee shop. Moreover, one of the most fundamental aspects of how I look at sex therapy is really the space and setting to feel safe to talk about intimate details of your sexual relationships or concerns, questions or just curiosity into something new.

Deciding if I’m the right sex therapist for you

One of the most important things I try to convey is that I’m not a one-size-fits-all type of therapist, and you’re not a one-size-fits-all type of client. It’s important for it to feel like it is a good match between us. It takes time to build trust and comfort that is why I offer a complimentary consultation for 30 minutes over the phone, in person or video conferencing. It ought feel like together it is possible right from the get-go to feel ok. I’m compassionate, warm, and professional, but I also have a sense of humor. I’m there with you when things get emotional, and take pride in creating an environment conducive to deep healing. I’m very enthusiastic about my work, and my passion tends to come across in session.

Starting The process and deciding the best format

I offer a variety of formats for sex therapy and coaching, based on your interests, resources, and goals. I offer:

  • Video Conferencing

  • In Office Sessions

  • Thera-Coaching (a mix of homework and therapy)

Complimentary consultation or our first appointment

If you decide to start phone, in office or video chat coaching, I’ll send you a request to meet or you can go to and visit schedule a session for an up to the minute schedule. I’d love to get to know you over a complimentary consultation. You’ll have answers to your questions; learn about our schedules, interests, and background, so I can get a sense of what your life looks like. The time also gives me a chance to asksyou to share the challenges you’re currently having and how they are affecting your life. I’ll review your answers, and prepare a customized session for you. It is important at this time of consultation you know I intentionally do not go deep in the complimentary consult for your safety in building a relationship.

During the first session itself, I may ask you some follow-up questions from our consult. Then I’ll share my feedback from your answers to the time we had and talk about strategies for making improvements. We’ll talk about your objectives for moving advancing, and what the next steps will be from there.

After the session, I’ll send you an email with potentially a number of exercises tailored just for you or review of your motives.

I like opening this way as it takes the pressure off you to figure out what to start speaking about as we are still getting to know each other. I know that the first appointment can be slightly overwhelming, so my goal is to make it as easy as possible for you.

The process of sex therapy

After the initial appointment, we’ll start to explore the distinctions of your apprehensions and goals in further detail.

Being able to say things out loud that you may have kept inside for years (or possibly even your entire life) is a deeply intense and healing experience in and of itself. Being able to feel yourself being compassionately and attentively listened to, and fully accepted as you are, can be surprisingly powerful too! Listening isn’t the only thing I do though. Throughout the session, I offer concrete suggestions for ways that you can engage and experiment with the topics at hand. My particular style of sex therapy emphasizes actually trying new things – Sexperiments, as I like to call them.

We study these experiences together in order to gather knowledge, help you progress new skills, and create lasting solutions for your concerns. Illustrations can range from something as modest as doing one kind thing for yourself, to something more complex, like using a particular masturbation technique. Sexperiments are always suggestions, and are never required. Oftentimes I collaborate with you to create Sexperiments that appeal to your interests and comfort levels.

What sex therapy is not

With me, sex therapy never contains any kind of sexual contact between therapist and client. You are never asked to act out sexual behaviors in front of me. If you’re in a couple, I may advocate that you and your partner try touch exercises during the session, but I only ever ask you to touch each other’s arms or hands. I maintain absolutely professional boundaries at all times.

Why sex therapy

It’s my aim to make sex therapy more approachable, more engaging, and more fun!The sad reality is that sex therapy is often used as a last-ditch effort for many people, but it is so much more efficient – and so much more enjoyable – when you make the choice to come in before things have gotten out of hand.

I really like teaching people, helping people, listening to people. I believe that there’s always something new to learn when it comes to sex, relationship and your personal healing. My space is open with a non-judging view to help you see yourself clearer.

Dr. Ryan Westrum is a sex therapist that works in the Minneapolis community, you can contact Ryan at 952-261-5269 or

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