Seeking Safety: Creating An Emotional Safety Plan

Often my office is an opportunity for couples to engage in rekindling their trust with each other. In my professional opinion the best chance to rebuilding trust with your partner starts with two things: learning to trust yourself and setting up boundaries you are comfortable with. People often focus on planning around physical safety (which is important!) when it comes to deceit, addiction or abuse, but it’s also important to consider your emotional safety as well. Emotional safety can look different for different people, but ultimately it’s about creating a personalized plan that helps you feel accepting of your emotions and decisions when dealing with abuse, stress or engaging in infideli

Healing Souls (Non) Sexperiment: Learning How To Say No To Sex Without rejection.

Recently a man asked me a question, "How do I ask for sex without sounding desperate?" The same day, I had a women ask me, "I don't want to reject my partner, I'm just not in the mood." I work with a vast array of people asking how to request sex and at the same time how to turn their partner down for sex. Yes, complicated! Not because they don’t want to have sex or need it all the time, they just don’t want to be vulnerable to the conversation regarding when, where and everything else sex brings up in people. So it ends up that one side never asks and the other side doesn’t care. There are also plenty of perfectly normal reasons for not wanting to have sex when your partner initiates:

Afflictions with Pornography Addiction

The Afflictions of Porn Addiction: The Pitfalls of Modern Intimacy. A couple recently came into my office and shared their perspective regarding their pornography habit. They wanted to know if watching pornography was ok to start their intimacy. The husband said, “We have been married for so long, what’s wrong with watching a little porn to get in the mood?” His wife said, “I feel objectified, I feel like he is thinking of them when he is with me.” This is a very common concern coming from couples dealing with the afflictions of pornography addiction. Today I am not going to offer an opportunity to debate if porn is healthy or not. However, I would like to focus on the intimacy part


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