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Weekend Sexperiment: The Playlist to Ecstasy

I thought a lot of people listened to music while having sex. For me, a good sex playlist has been an essential accessory in the bedroom and has only increased any and all physical sensations and emotional undertones.

It turns out, though, that most people I spoke to found playing music while having sex kind of weird, or never thought to prioritize it as an integral part of the experience in the first place. Other people said that they want to try, but never have the chance to actually turn some music on before starting.

Well, everyone should listen to music while having sex. And not just because everyone loves music, but because there are actual psychological benefits, including giving you the tools to be your absolute best in the bedroom.

I find a deep connection with music, many of my experiential exercises I prescribe to involve music. Specifically, music is a catalyst to being able to connect to a higher level of awareness. I would like to offer music, as a vehicle to explore a deeper way to have sex, be sexual and get comfortable with feeling into different expressions of your sexuality.

The right soundtrack has the power to elevate sex from good to mind-boggling. But if you’ve ever hooked up with someone who put on what was obviously a meticulously arranged “sex playlist”. You know what I am talking about. Before we even get into picking the right jams, let’s talk about why playing music during sex is a good idea. Quite simply, music adds a unique layer of stimulation. It invites another one of your senses to the party. Previously I mentioned the value of using a blindfold and taking away your sight and going into your minds eye. You can definitely use a blindfold and music. With music it can be a catapult towards ecstasy or transcend you to another dimension. On a more practical level, music can drown out the weird feelings people have with silence that often accompany sex. Moreover, it is a great way to incorporate a different element or mood to your lovemaking or sex. Your bodies can fall into an innate rhythm and beat. Music can help us feel more connected to our bodies, and can make our movement feel more sensual. Music can also capture the different moods that can accompany sex: passion, anger, playfulness, and intensity, romance, melancholy.

What Makes for a Good Sex Song

When you’re looking for potential songs for your playlists, consider your history with the song. Some songs evoke memories we don’t necessarily want to get distracted by during sex (like that album you and your ex listened to all summer). You may also want to avoid “earworm” songs, or songs that you can’t help but sing along to (unless you don’t mind breaking into song in the middle of receiving oral). You’re looking for songs that capture a certain mood for you and make you feel in tune with your sexy self.

I also find it really enjoyable to explore role-playing within music. Potentially this would be expressed through indigenous music or driving rave music. Both genres would pull different emotions out of you. Feeling into another time period, environment or culture.

How to Make a Playlist

Sex comes in all kinds of flavors, so it can be fun to make different playlists that capture unique moods for you. At the very least, you can make a “romantic sex” playlist and a “hot sex” playlist. Other than that, you’re only constrained by how much time you want to spend on this. If you’re feeling inspired, make a playlist for lazy Sunday, post-brunch sex. Or one for when your carnal animal instincts come out and all you want is insane sex.

When it comes to actually playing your playlist, I’m an advocate for the shuffle function. I do think it’s best to pick all of your songs because being subjected to a random Pandora or Spotify pick that you don’t actually like can spoil the mood. But plotting out the exact order of your songs can make sex feel overly rehearsed. You might feel pressured to time your hookup based on how you had envisioned it unfolding when you created the playlist.

Exploring Music

I encourage you to try playing music that you are connected with, music that makes you happy. Remember that everything is a chance to relate to your partner and understand your desires and find your wholeness.

Ryan Westrum is a sex therapist that can be contacted at,, or 952-261-5269.

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