This weekend’s my suggestion involves something that I know doesn’t sound terribly sexy – hugging. However, boring hugging sounds, when done with a deep sense of awareness and intimacy it can be a powerful catalyst to a wonderful love making session, deeper connection or simply a reminder of the love you have for your partner.
Most couples tend to overlook hugging. It’s something we do when we’re greeting friends, visiting grandma, or meeting a friendly new acquaintance. It startles me sometimes how physically close we are willing to get without any sense of the intimacy hugs really can have.
We potentially hug our partner if they are depressed or upset, or we might go in for a quick two-second hug to say hello after being apart for awhile, but hugging tends to not be a part of daily life for most couples.
This is the value of bringing a mindful presence to ones relationship. The ability to be in the present moment, feel our partner, physically connecting with one another, emotionally connecting with one another. It brings not only a sense of being present; this can also bring a sense of reassurance for a commitment and a security we are longing for.
We can go right to our family or origin: Do you come from a hugging family? Did you follow your families modeling or did you branch out on your own? I am a hugger; I enjoy hugs with the intention of doing it with a sacred and emotional reasoning behind it. I also know when to shake hands and the rest of the social norms; although this is a different topic at hand. Intimate hugs are special for your partner.
It generally tends to be the obvious case hugging and physical contact can come to a dead stand still; especially for couples that have been fighting a lot or starting to drift apart. I’ve had plenty of clients tell me they can’t remember the last time they hugged their partner. It’s a shame that the hug is so undervalued because it’s a great way to nurture deeper intimacy in your relationship. A stunning way to share vulnerability as well! It releases a surge of oxytocin into each of your bodies, promoting relaxation, closeness, bonding, and sexual intimacy!
This weekend, your Sexperiment is to try hugging in a different way. You’re going to be very meditative about your hugging, which might feel weird at first, but I encourage you to stick with it!
Stand facing each other, with your feet securely planted on the ground. Make eye contact for a few seconds. Then move towards each other and wrap your arms around each other. Try to find a position where you both feel comfortable.
Do it lying down do it standing up, the only request I have is do it mindfully and with a deep reverence for your partner and what you are sharing together. You might move a little, caress a little, and do what you feel comfortable to do.
Next, close your eyes, and try to breathe slowly and deeply. You’re probably going to feel a little goofy or awkward at first, but that’s OK! Explore your breath and feel into connecting with your partner’s rhythm. Keep hugging each other until you start to feel yourself truly relax. A deeper sense of connectedness will come over you both. For most people, there will be a definitive moment where you can essentially feel your bodies melt together. It’s as if your entire body is letting out a big, “ahhhhhh”. A moment of awakening!
Stay like this for a few minutes, soaking it all up.
When you feel ready to pull apart, check in with your partner before doing so. Then ask each other what the experience was like. Have you ever hugged like that before? What was it like to feel your bodies melt into each other’s? How do you feel post-hug?
There is so many variations to the intimate hug. Play with the pressure, the length of time, adding and erotic scratch or two. Make it your version. Try this out a few times this weekend, and see what supercharged hugging can do for your relationship!
Ryan is a sex therapist at healingsoulsllc.com. Please contact Ryan at firstname.lastname@example.org or 952-261-5269 to set up a complimentary 30-minute session. You may also find scheduling online at healingsoulsllc.com.