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Afflictions with Pornography Addiction

The Afflictions of Porn Addiction: The Pitfalls of Modern Intimacy.

A couple recently came into my office and shared their perspective regarding their pornography habit. They wanted to know if watching pornography was ok to start their intimacy. The husband said, “We have been married for so long, what’s wrong with watching a little porn to get in the mood?” His wife said, “I feel objectified, I feel like he is thinking of them when he is with me.”

This is a very common concern coming from couples dealing with the afflictions of pornography addiction. Today I am not going to offer an opportunity to debate if porn is healthy or not. However, I would like to focus on the intimacy part of your relationship.

The dynamics in relationships should be looked at as complementary – both partners contributing to creating patterns that promote intimacy not destroy it.

The resulting problem with one of the partners not ready to quit pornography is the pitfall of modern intimacy. I would like to offer 3 steps to creating a new foundation in combating the affliction of pornography. As well as, build new communication patterns for all couples looking to construct intimacy.

3 Steps To Building Intimacy


Watching your partner is a great way to understand what they need. I often encourage clients to think about explaining to me what they think their partner needs not through a verbal way but a visual way. Often they are exhilarated to find out what there loved one desires by simply watching their behaviors. The old saying actions speak louder then words definitely can be true.


One of the most dynamic requests I ask of couples afflicted with pornography is to be open-minded. It can be difficult to hear each other’s perspectives; however, showing an open-mind can help each other. I encourage couples to always challenge themselves to be a little more open then closed with their partner’s thoughts. Having individual thoughts should not be seen as threating.


Seeking understanding of your partners needs takes priority over someone trying to be understood. It really comes down to being a little more humble as it relates to your partner. Again, Seeking understanding, rather then being understood. When couples change their perspective of thinking it helps create a common ground to heal the pain of pornography addiction.

Ultimately, the value of observing, being open-minded, and obtaining information from your loved one will only support the healing you need to over come pornography addiction. Furthermore, you will build a foundation of healthy communication that will lead to your additional happiness together.

The afflictions of pornography addiction can cause a lot of difficulties with intimacy; although, with therapeutic support and a safe environment anything can be possible.

Dr. Ryan Westrum is a sex therapist that specializes in working with building intimacy and healing sex and porn addiction. Please contact him at 952-261-5269 or email him at

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