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Your Weekend Sexperiment

Back by popular demand…Healing Souls: Weekend Sexperiment!!!

In the past couple weeks I have witnessed an increase in requests to learn more about intimacy. Just like balancing the checkbook, we never learned how to create intimacy, what intimacy looks like, and when is a good time for intimacy. Another request I had was: What do we do if we are too tired? One couple has kids, one couple is struggling with a new career and the other just feels a need to learn how do we make time.

Rundown and too tired for sex?

This weekend’s Healing Souls Sexperiement: I have one extraordinarily effective technique for guaranteeing that you actually have the energy to be intimate with your partner.

  • Even if your busy working

  • Even if your kids are hanging on you

  • Even if you’d rather zone out on binging some Amazon movies… (Who watches Netflix anymore?)

Evening is when we think we need to get intimate all the time.

Now, if you’re like most couples, this is also the time when you think you’re theoretical needing sex with your partner. Almost all couples tend to leave sex until the very finish of the night.

Take a moment to think about how insane that is.

By evening, you’re physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. You’re running on fumes. You’re already worried about not getting enough sleep for the day or weekend ahead.

No way!

Here’s the thing - that is true when you leave your quality time until the very end of the night. You are literally out of energy, and every minute that you spend with your partner requires forfeiting another precious minute of sleep.

But let’s make-believe, you could miraculously rewind the clock a few hours and watch how you and your partner spent your time that evening.

You may have spent plenty of time cooking and eating dinner, wrangling the kids to bed, taking the dog on a walk, or wrapping up some last minute work emails.

But I bet you would also see plenty of time when the two of you were zoned out in front of the TV, lost in your phones, or going down the abyss of the Internet.

168 hours in a week!

The truth is that there is enough time and energy to connect with our partners; we just tend to waste it on the wrong things. There are 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week. I am suggesting this weekend to explore putting your relationship first. Wake up early. Get home tonight from work and have a quickie. There is nothing wrong with putting your partner first.

So here’s the technique - take possession of your day, and prioritize quality time with your partner as quick as possible. Get a jumpstart on the weekend. Put every thing aside and meet your partner in the bedroom. Sex may happen, but if it doesn’t no big deal! You get great quality time and you could even spend it talking about your schedules.

It’s a small change and these are the first steps to reclaiming intimacy and making a great weekend!

Dr. Ryan Westrum is a sex therapist that specializes in helping couples with healthy sexual relationships, pornography addiction, sex addiction, as well as sexual education. Please contact him at or 952-261-5269.

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