Weekend Sexperiment: The Art of Celibacy and Emotional Connection


Weekend Sexperiment : Sexual Celibacy – Emotional Connection

One of the fundamental aspects of my job is holding space for my clients around intimate concerns regarding individual sexual worries, interests and questions. These fall under a range of topics from sexual anxiety, pornography addiction, to how to navigate the world of polyamorous relationships all the way to physical sexual identities and transgender coaching. Ultimately, the conversation very often more times then not comes back to a sexual performance or concern around identity of self regarding some aspect of the physical act of sex.

This weekends Sexperiment is an exercise in self-discovery through sexual celibacy. Now when I say sexual celibacy I am using the term loosely, I completely understand being celibate relates to abstaining from marriage or sexual relationships under the broad definition. So that being said this weekend I want you to focus on you and all your vulnerabilities. Our need to use physical sex sometimes can be a defense mechanism that protects us from sharing potentially emotionally charged feelings about ourselves with our partner(s) or even with the one person we often hide from most, which is ourself. So this weekend I am asking you to rechannel the physical desire for sex and engage in the emotional intelligence of sexuality within yourself and your partner(s).

In honor of self discovery and connecting emotionally with yourself and/or your partner(s) I am asking to engage in these exercises instead of sex.

By yourself

Exercise One. (Exploring Sexual Energy)– When we have felt an over consuming need for sex I want to channel it, label it and bring into your body rather then externalize it with sex.

– Find a comfortable space and breath into one of your most erotic fantasies and dreams. Explore it with all five senses and do not physically touch yourself.

– Breathe into your active imagination and find where the sexual energy lies. Is it in your pelvis? Does it give you pressure? Now take control of this energy and as it becomes stronger intentionally ask it to blanket your body completely. You are in control.

– Sit with this energy as long as you can and journal about your experience. What you learned about emotionally, physically and spiritually. Expand on your depth of understanding your body.

With a partner

Exercise 2 (Mirror Balancing)- In the spirit of mediation I am suggesting a gentle exercise of mirroring with your partner.

– First find a comfortable spot lying down next to one another in bed facing each other.

– Start to take gentle breathes in and start to mirror the breath of your partner, there are two options for this exercise.

  1. Mirroring the in and out breathes together.

  2. Connecting one’s in breath with the other’s out breath as a union of one breath.

– As you are mirroring or connecting breathes keep your eyes open and let them gaze into your partners eyes without attempting to lose connection. The distance is up to you; although I encourage no more then 6 inches and lip connection. (your goal is to imagine a playful, intimate starring contest).

– Conclude after at least 5 minutes of gentle breathing and let your mind wonder on your love and emotion connection to what brought your partner to you.

– Sit with this energy as long as you can and journal about your experience. What you learned about emotionally, physically and spiritually. Expand on your depth of understanding your body.

This weekend’s sexperiment are exercises in both mindfulness and the desire to connect emotionally with yourself and your partner(s). It is my opinion with deep emotional intelligence and intimacy you are able to have a foundation for radical sexual ecstasy.

Ryan Westrum is a Ph.D and visionary for healingsoulsllc.com. You can contact him at 952.261.5269. ryan@healingsoulsllc.com

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