More Kinky, Less Crazy

More Kink, Less Crazy A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that on a self-reported test, people who practiced Bondage Discipline Sadistic Masochism (BDSM) on a regular basis were less neurotic, more open, more secure in their relationships and had an overall better sense of well-being than people who only practiced “vanilla sex.” The theory that is that kinky people have better communication skills and are more aware of their own psychology because they’ve learned to own it in a world where their desires aren’t the norm. Pretty cool, huh? (Learn more about the study – and BDSM – By reading more of my research I will be presenting in Montreal this week. Speaking about th

Expanding Love

Expand and Explore your Sexual Relationship Want to expand and explore your relationship to your sexuality, and you’re in a relationship (or soon hope to be in one). Here are seven steps (to be done largely in this order) to help you explore your sexuality within your intimate relationship. Check In With Yourself: Something that most people have rarely (if ever) done is check in with their own sexual needs and desires. It’s pretty difficult to know what to ask for if you haven’t first been curious about exactly what it is you want. I have many of my clients write up a sexual wish list on which they write three categories of things… 1) things that they already know that they enjoy, 2) things

Sexperiment

The Weekend Sexperiment: Spend An Entire Day Doing Only What You Want Experiment: An experiment is an orderly procedure carried out with the goal of verifying, refuting, or establishing the validity of a hypothesis. Experiments provide insight into cause-and-effect by demonstrating what outcome occurs when a particular factor is manipulated. Sex: Chiefly with reference to people sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse. Sexperiment: Exploring and enjoying an activity that can be sex or non-sexual in nature. Being authentic in ones desires around sexual activity and/or non-sexual activities. This can be done through communication, action and emotions around sex and relations

Weekday!!! Sexperiment: Spontaneous Sex

When was the last time you did something for the first time? How many of you remember when making love, having sex and spontaneously wanting to tackle your partner(s) anywhere and everywhere was a great deal of your sexlife. Ok, I get it… It was the honeymoon period. The time, place, position and mood never mattered. One of the ultimate thrills of sex for people is the spontaneous ability to make it happen at a moments notice. It is my perspective that is what drives people. I do not think random sex with random people drives anything but a longing to connect with the physical pleasure of getting off. When you are with a person you can trust, respect and feel safe with spontaneous sex can

What is Sex Therapy?? Questions, Answers, Holding Space and Healing

So what can you really expect from sex therapy? I promise you, it’s not nearly as weird as you may be thinking! Actually it is a really profound opportunity to get answers to questions you can’t just ask your friend at the local coffee shop. Moreover, one of the most fundamental aspects of how I look at sex therapy is really the space and setting to feel safe to talk about intimate details of your sexual relationships or concerns, questions or just curiosity into something new. Deciding if I’m the right sex therapist for you One of the most important things I try to convey is that I’m not a one-size-fits-all type of therapist, and you’re not a one-size-fits-all type of client. It’s important

Pornography and The Energy It Holds

Consider your pornography behavior or sexual behavior as energy. More purposely, think of it as water…water that is used to flow in both a certain direction and at a steady pace. Attempting to corral or control the water or dam it is often unsuccessful…unless you have both a plan and resources. Many times the flow of water will create a new path that was not even present. If you have tried to stop or manage your sexual behavior and have instead fallen back to familiar patterns of acting out, perhaps you have not realized the power and importance of this energy in your life. I am talking about the will power we all have at the same time the grip our sexual behaviors have on us. What do you g

Desire Discrepancy: Fact or Fiction?

We can all imagine, you and your partner are 3 months into a new relationship, and in your head you’re thinking, “finally” I have found someone that meets my sexual needs, sexual desires, and overall you are happy with everything. There is no awkward rejection, no making up random sicknesses prescribed by Dr. Google to avoid sex. Or the worse case scenario, sex just falls off into the dark abyss lost in a black hole right next to Facebook hypnosis, TV and the rest of the things killing relationships. Sorry, I get side tracked. How many people have been there? Recently a wonderful couple was sitting in my office with this very dilemma, they asked, “Ryan what should we do?” One said, I need mo

The Confrontation: Talking About Pornography

Picture with me for a moment that you come home one night to find your partner engaging sexually with another person. Shock and rage consume you, yet there is no one but them to hear your cries. They are the only person in the room. This other person?? They are on the computer screen, completely oblivious to your presence. Your partner completely oblivious to your presence, this is the person you pledged your love, commitment, and fidelity to all those months and years ago, and now you feel like you’re competing with pornography for their love, attention, and affection. Where do you possibly go from here? While a portion of you wants to help him rid his life of this addiction, another part o

Porn Addiction Symptoms

Basically, your brain reacts the same way to porn as it does to meth, heroin or crack. Here’s exactly how the addiction forms: Step-by-Step Porn Addiction Process: You look at a pornographic image or video. Your brain believes that you’re looking at a potential mate, so it releases the “happy chemical”, Dopamine. Dopamine makes you feel good and gives your brain the drive to finish mating. Because the Internet provides you with an unlimited supply of fresh mates, your brain tells you to binge like a rabbit during mating season. When you “finish”, you’re completely exhausted as your brain tries to process the extreme amounts of Dopamine. Now, if you stopped right here and never looked at porn

A look at being transgender: Being trans is hard.

A look into transgender. We walk in a culture that is ever evolving and transforming regarding view points on a moment by moment basis, that does not make it any easier to live with our bodies or our feelings toward ourself. At times we are feeling emotions about our gender or our sexuality that many people day to day are not consumed with regarding themselves. We take a look at our body and we are comfortable with it. For some they are not comfortable, they feel one way and want to be another. Being transgender is hard. It is no surprise that transgender individuals experience a kind of stress that cisgender (those who identify with the gender they were assigned at birth) individuals do

Sexual Curiousity

There are many questions clients have around what my practice offers and what way I can help them. The following are basic 101 thoughts many of us have. Curious about my sexual identity: I am who I am Sexual Identity has been in the headlines in recent years, with Trans community and same sex marriage coming more into the mainstream media. We encourage you to gain a deeper understanding of the basic terminology and we will be able to form a more rounded and knowledgeable opinion on the subject. What is Sexual Consultation? Sexual consulting is a short and focused process in which we treat specific issues with clear guidance towards a viable solution. In contrast, sexual therapy delves deep i

Weekend Sexperiment: Cuddling

For this weekends sexperiment I would like to go back to the fundamentals of relationship and bonding by offering the idea that cuddling will build both emotional and physical benefits as well as develop healthy connection. Cuddling releases oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone that does everything from making you feel good to helping you feel connected to others. Oxytocin is crucial in the act of cuddling, as you’ll see from its benefits popping up in the list below. Cuddling boosts your immune system. When you’re so in love you feel invincible, you’re experiencing oxytocin release. This feel-good hormone makes you feel like nothing can hurt you—which is an amazing benefit! It also increases hor

Yoga and Sex

When engaged in conversation and dialogue about sex, an abundance of people inquire about how they can connect with their partner or understand their sexual identity. It is here that I lean on and want to explain the importance of experiential activities and experiences that connect you to yourself on a deeper level. It is also imperative to express the value of a healthy activity that can create balance and engage in ones divine sexual identity. Experiential activities can be vast and I encourage one to find happiness in them. Moreover, sexually they can be daunting. Exploring Bondage Discipline, Sado – Masochism (BDSM) isn’t something you just decide to start to play with. This is where I

Can Tantra Heal Porn Addiction?

What if studying tantra could heal our addiction to Porn? What if tapping into our natural abilities to experience ecstasy changes everything? Emotional connection, Physical connection and above all else a spiritual connection that could heal many different projections people hold against not only porn, but sex as well. See tantra is on a micro continuum within a larger continuum of sex, which has BDSM, porn, vanilla sex, and everything else that the human mind can imagine. So what would people think? Would they be offended? Talking about sex is such a no-no. My goal is to offer a space and time where people can create what they want as a sexual life potentially that which they have viewed t

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