This weekend is a smorgasbord of information from creating healthy sex to information on the value of group workshops. Healing comes in many forms and fashions. The most important thing I recommend is make it your own!
Healing Souls Weekend Sexperiment: Creating Sex
Are you and your partner not having sex, is it boring, or are you afraid that your not doing it how you they want you to do it. Is the same old, same old getting redundant? Like chicken on Monday, pizza on Wednesday and your favorite left for Friday’s.
In a previous career I was a chef/owner/ sommelier (wine guy) at a small restaurant. Each day my staff and I would go to the market or have some farmers come into the restaurant and offer the fresh ingredients that were in season at the time. Often the simple invitation of a fresh vegetable or produce that was different or new would give us all a renewed renewal to cook or create. Sex isn’t that different. This weekend’s sexperiment is all about improving and improvisation, just like cooking. Throw the cookbook out. Don’t get me wrong it’s nice to know the directions and how to cook. Although, this is a whole other subject, and it’s a whole different story using what you know and improving with a fresh viewpoint.
Another unique thing we would do at the restaurant would take one ingredient AND use it for every menu item. COULD SOUND BORING RIGHT? OR MAYBE EVEN EXCITING. Imagine taking something savory like morel mushrooms and making an ice cream, different right?
I could go on and on with metaphors and stories of how sex, food and cooking relate. Ala Carte Menu (your choice) or Pre Fixe (Chef’s Choice) No matter which way you turn it. Food and Sex are one in the same.
The likelihood of this being exclusively a monogamous –hetersexual problem is highly unlikely. People that are single, polyamorous, fluid, pansexual, and or on the sexuality wheel of the 2018 are all-susceptible to boredom, fear, and unrewarding sexual intimacy.
SO, what can you do?
Having more options on the table greatly increases the likelihood that you’ll say "Yes" to one of them.
If I know my only option is plain old oatmeal, I’m going to skip breakfast half the time because there’s just nothing to get excited about.
But when I have multiple options to choose from, my decision transforms from "Should I eat breakfast or not?" into "Which breakfast option should I choose?"
This same trick works wonders with sex.
Put more choices on the menu when you’re initiating intimacy with your partner.
Change the decision from, "Should I have the same boring, predictable sex we always have?" to "Which of these different, intriguing options should I choose from?"
Most couples tend to default to doing the exact same thing in the bedroom over and over again.
I’ve even heard single people defaulting to there “go to” because they mentioned it worked in the past. --- Um really 7.4 billion people on the planet and your doing the same thing to everyone you meet… Houston we have a problem.
Heterosexual couples in particular, tend to default to having intercourse.
But intercourse very quickly turns into boring plain toast and black coffee, trust me there is nothing wrong with plain toast and black coffee. I hear from a lot of people their appreciation for black coffee. Sorry I digress. (Especially for men and women that only know one thing, or have never been taught anything different. More on this important topic next month!)
Instead, try this: Sit down with your partner, and make a list of the ways that the two of you could connect intimately. For example: