The swear word in my office is “Boredom”! Last week I was sitting in front of an older couple and they were frozen in fear! “I loved the honeymoon! But we are bored now!” They had only been together for 4 months and they were scared. This isn’t just common with older couples either! It can be a married couple for 20 years, young couples who haven’t even been together for 6 months and even partners that are unfamiliar with their desires. The sexual fluidity can come in the heterosexual, homosexual and transsexual lifestyles too! I have polyamorous couples worried about boredom too!
Often times I hear this very sentence, it can come in many different ways. “Help us we are bored” or another phrase is “It’s just not the same!” If you are one of those couples please DON’T WORRY! Boredom is one of the scariest words clients can feel and yet the cure is simple. Pay attention to your partners needs.
I am not a mind reader, although I have learned to be one by using my ESP techniques. And I want to share with you a great opportunity to be a mind reader with your partner! By using ESP you get the chance to shed the boredom and reconnect with partner. The following is a way to reclaim a healthier sexual relationship using ESP.
The ESP of creative sex!
E – Emotional Intelligence
It doesn’t matter if you have been together for years or just recently started a new relationship, expressing your emotional vulnerability is a key aspect to enjoying sexual creativity. The importance of being emotionally open with your partner can help simulate and uncover desires you might not have ever thought of. In this process of using your emotional intelligence you can connect with your partner and understand what is missing. The real work in finding your newfound creativity is to be honest emotionally with your partner. Talk to them about your desires outside the bedroom. Before you even start to get intimate, you’ll be amazed at the fireworks that can follow.
“What is it that you want from me?” or “Tell me about you’re needs.” Of course ask it in your language – By talking about it is a great way to learn about your partners needs.
S – Spiritual Connection
First, I need to say I know not every sexual experience is spiritual! And I am not expecting every time you’re together the angels are singing and God is smiling. Within the context of becoming more creative with your partner I am simply suggesting putting a “mindful” intention on your partner and honoring there needs.
Spiritual sex can come in many different ways and often times show up unaccepted. By being present in your sex rather then thinking of the chores or baseball scores you might find a more enjoyable “sex-capade”!
By connecting with each other’s breath is a great way to simulate and create a spiritual connection.
P – Physical Exploration
We have been there-- it starts the same and before you know it, sex ended the same. You probably even could tell me how it happens before it even happens. So what can you do about this? One of the best ways to discover a more creative sexual experience is challenging you to learn more about your partner’s body. Do you know where their “special” spot is? Are you able to make them laugh, squirm or giggle?
Get caught in the moment and experiment with your partner’s body. And always remember ask for permission.
The best way to learn about each other’s body is to remove one of your senses. Sight is a great one to start with, have them wear a blindfold and give them a massage. AND of course pay attention!
Healthy and creative sex can actually be found by learning more about your partner, so often we just assume what the other person needs are without asking. We are not mind readers but you can use your intuition and ESP to learn how to be more creative.
Get outside your comfort zone; start talking about sex.
Dr. Ryan Westrum is a sex therapist that specializes in helping clients reconnects sexually through building newfound intimacy. Ryan advocates for a sex positive way to look at his client’s situations. You can connect with him by emailing him at email@example.com or calling him at 952-261-5269.