When was the last time you did something for the first time?
How many of you remember when making love, having sex and spontaneously wanting to tackle your partner(s) anywhere and everywhere was a great deal of your sexlife. Ok, I get it… It was the honeymoon period. The time, place, position and mood never mattered. One of the ultimate thrills of sex for people is the spontaneous ability to make it happen at a moments notice. It is my perspective that is what drives people. I do not think random sex with random people drives anything but a longing to connect with the physical pleasure of getting off. When you are with a person you can trust, respect and feel safe with spontaneous sex can be another chance to get what you want, instill the adrenal back in your life. It not only gets what you want but for some it gives them a chance to save something they are losing.
For this weekend’s sexperiment, I want to throw a curve ball your way! That is why I am offering up a weekday sexperiment. Oh yes some the best sex is spontaneous weekday sex. What better way to wake up then a quickie before work!
The other day I was talking to a client about how they were frustrated by the nature of needing to schedule their sex. Everything from when they were going to have sex, to how they were going to do it, and most importantly what time of day they were going to be able to do it. It didn’t end there, the client felt as if they always initiated the sex. All the way down to where they were going to cuddle, have sex or even when they could talk about sex.
How many people have been there done that? I would like to suggest an opportunity to light a spark with sexual spontaneity, this week the challenge will be to spontaneously connect with your lover. The following is a gentle guide to introduce and reintroduce people to being spontaneous with their sex life. It is my goal to ask yourself the question: When was the last time you did something for the first time?
Who: Are you always-initiating sex with your partner?
I don’t want to hang anyone out the window, but one of the fundamental benchmarks for a dull sex life is one partner always asking… “Can we have sex now? How bout now?” It begins to remind the other of a long trip to grandmas house. For those who struggle with this I recommend asking your partner(s) a simple question. “I would love it sometime this week if you would ask me.” It sounds simple but it also really makes the other person feel good too!
Have you ever fantasized about your partner being in a role you dreamed about, the sexy doctor, nurse or something super kinky like a porn star. Remember our mind is a large part of what excites us. When in doubt and feeling dull role-play, role-play. Every sex shop has a Tarzan and Jane costume.
What: My sex, your sex, or lets try something new sex?
A significant element of adding more spontaneous is thinking outside your normal routine when it comes to your sex life. I am not asking you to string chains from the ceiling and add a cross to your bedroom. A simple suggestion would be to invest in a sex toy, I do a sex toy of the month and you would be surprised at all the toys made for couples. Have fun with asking your partner(s) too, this is where it is really important to trust your partner-you would be surprised what they might want to do. All you have to do is ask.
Where: First rule of your spontaneous sexperiment is no sex in the bed!
If you haven’t thought about it, you sure have dreamed it, seen it on a movie or heard it from someone. Having sex on the kitchen table it’s one of the most stereotypical spontaneous sex moves there is. Simple rule of thumb when you’re in your bed no sex for you! Try it. I will start by sparking your imagination with a few ideas: In the car, in the park, in the basement on the floor, in the kitchen, in the dressing room of a store, in your walk-in closet, and if you’re a true exhibitionist in a restaurant parking lot. Oh did I mention in the car!
Remember when I am talking about being spontaneous it’s not just about the sex. Be spontaneous with your foreplay and flirting too!
When: It’s ok to stay up late, wake up early or even surprise them at lunch.
The classic issue that comes into my office is as simple as the time of day. One wants sex at night and the other loves sex in the morning. This is the biggest and yet easiest one to maneuver around. Please don’t schedule it! Have fun, do it at 2:34 pm on a Monday. I know schedules are tight; kids might be home but merely remember what it was like when you first got together. Sex was endless and it never mattered what time of day it was.
How: So what’s the first step?
First thing first…remember your sex life is fun, it does not and should not be scheduled like a root canal or grocery store visit. A great way to explore being spontaneous is to actually talk about it. Feel your partner(s) out and ask them what their thoughts are, it becomes a great way to connect and see what they are thinking. At the same time you can learn more about each other. In the beginning remember one new idea can add a whole new dimension to your sex life.
In the end, having spontaneous sex is really about being creative and ultimately showing your partner(s) how much they mean to you, because you want to connect with them, love them and have more excitement in your sex life.
Ryan Westrum is a Ph.D and visionary for healingsoulsllc.com. You can contact him at 952.261.5269. firstname.lastname@example.org