We can all imagine, you and your partner are 3 months into a new relationship, and in your head you’re thinking, “finally” I have found someone that meets my sexual needs, sexual desires, and overall you are happy with everything. There is no awkward rejection, no making up random sicknesses prescribed by Dr. Google to avoid sex. Or the worse case scenario, sex just falls off into the dark abyss lost in a black hole right next to Facebook hypnosis, TV and the rest of the things killing relationships. Sorry, I get side tracked. How many people have been there?
Recently a wonderful couple was sitting in my office with this very dilemma, they asked, “Ryan what should we do?” One said, I need more sex; I could have sex everyday, maybe even 2 twice a day. The other person said the exact opposite. It’s not that I don’t love them; I just don’t want to have sex. If I had it once a week maybe even once a month I would be fine. There are many problems just like this we all are facing, it might not be the amount of sex, it might be the way we are doing it, or even the desires we are longing for… However this issue arises, notice I did not share the couple’s gender. That is because it’s not important and frankly it’s the number one myth: Male’s want sex all day long and women simply want to… umm well not have sex all day long??
I am writing this to shed light on the fact and fiction around desire discrepancies. I am writing this to share brief insights and helpful ideas to rekindle and spark a new look at your desires, yet ultimately my biggest goal is to help you become the authentic person you want to be. This is a simple fragment of the facts and fiction around desire discrepancies.
Fact or Fiction
When one person wants more sex then the other the simple answer is compromise!
There is an argument for that… A person could say “As long as I meet the needs of my partner I am making them happy and in turn I will be happy.” It is said that when you fully accept your desires and are able to communicate them you are going to feel free. I see those statements as potential pitfalls. Are you really happy meeting someone’s needs your not feeling safe with or validated by? See if your life is full of concession you are really either censoring yourself or putting yourself in a situation you don’t feel valued because the other person is getting the pleasure or so they think.